Thursday, June 29, 2017

WomenTalk: Are Men & Women REALLY from Different Planets?



The Newsy Neighbour Magazine
June Issue #116
Article Provided By:Darlis-Keily Ireland


 “Just as a man is fulfilled through working out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through talking about the details of her problems.” ― John N. GrayMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

As a mother of four now-grown children, I am blessed with having experienced raising both boys (3) and a girl. Over the years I often noted the boundless energy of my sons, plus their seemingly compulsive need to touch, play with and move pretty much anything in their line of sight! A case in point, they once had to watch the same TV channel for over two weeks until the remote control for the cable box was discovered on the floor behind the toilet. How did it get there? Well, when it was found, my youngest son said, “Oh yeah! I forgot that I put it there when I took the remote to the bathroom with me.”   

My daughter, although she was a bit of a Tomboy, could sit still for hours and preferred to have things tidy and in their place. She enjoyed doing crafts, colouring, building with Lego or taking a leisurely walk with her dad or me while her brothers preferred to run… in zig zags and circles!
Perhaps as a result of my parenting experience, I developed an interest in understanding the differences between men and women. While many of us know that men are generally hard-wired to be providers and protectors, and women tend to be natural care-givers and nurturers, there are hundreds of other differences between the genders including how they communicate, resolve problems, address conflict, set priorities, interpret situations, manage pain and much more. Of course, these are generalities and there are exceptions. 

That said, it is commonly accepted that men and women tend to differ physically, mentally and socially, however, what is not as well known is that many of these differences are rooted at a biological level in our brains. For example, a Stanford University study found that nine areas of a woman’s brain lit up across both sides of their brain when shown an emotional image while in men, two areas lit up and on the same side of the brain. The result is increased ‘emotional responses’ in women. 

In a related series of studies, it was determined that men and women express empathy different. While women respond with emotional empathy that has them feeling what the other person is feeling, men generally respond using cognitive empathy, which helps to distance themselves from the other person’s emotions and allows their brain to focus on analyzing the situation and seek out solutions.
This explains why women need an emotional connection when they share their problems - they are not looking for a solution, they want to be heard. Men on the other hand, are more analytical and tend to share a problem only when they need a solution, they are not interested in emotional empathy. In fact, multiple studies using MRIs determined that men are wired to avoid contact with other people when they are distressed and it quite literally is difficult for them to communicate their feelings.
There are many differences in communication as well. A few examples of this are that men communicate to maintain independence and establish status… women communicate to establish or maintain intimacy. Men are precise, direct and often lack descriptive details… women are discussion-oriented, detailed and often apologetic. Men see communication as a way to exchange information… women view it as a way to build rapport, explore emotions, and offer support. Men nod when they are in agreeance… women nod to show they are listening (even if they don’t agree!).

As human beings, we have a tendency to view the world from our own perspective, which makes it easy to see how misunderstandings can occur between the genders. It’s important to remember that there are scientifically proven differences and, in the wise words of Stephen Covey, many of these misunderstandings may be avoided when we “seek first to understand and then to be understood.”
Every month at Women Talk in Strathmore, women experience what they are naturally wired to want in their lives: support, sharing of experiences, emotional empathy, relationship building, mutual understanding, belonging to a community and so much more. Join us on the last Thursday of each month and hear the extraordinary stories of two Talkers and enjoy an inspirational message, lots of laughter and some great conversation. 

For more information about WOMEN TALK in Strathmore, please visit www.WomenTalk.ca/Strathmore.

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