The Newsy Neighbour Magazine
June Issue #116
Article Provided By:Darlis-Keily Ireland
“Just as a man is fulfilled through working
out the intricate details of solving a problem, a woman is fulfilled through
talking about the details of her problems.” ― John N. Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want
in Your Relationships
As a mother of four now-grown children, I am
blessed with having experienced raising both boys (3) and a girl. Over the
years I often noted the boundless energy of my sons, plus their seemingly compulsive
need to touch, play with and move pretty much anything in their line of sight! A
case in point, they once had to watch the same TV channel for over two weeks
until the remote control for the cable box was discovered on the floor behind
the toilet. How did it get there? Well, when it was found, my youngest son
said, “Oh yeah! I forgot that I put it there when I took the remote to the
bathroom with me.”
My daughter, although she was a bit of a
Tomboy, could sit still for hours and preferred to have things tidy and in
their place. She enjoyed doing crafts, colouring, building with Lego or taking
a leisurely walk with her dad or me while her brothers preferred to run… in zig
zags and circles!
Perhaps as a result of my parenting
experience, I developed an interest in understanding the differences between
men and women. While many of us know that men are generally hard-wired to be
providers and protectors, and women tend to be natural care-givers and
nurturers, there are hundreds of other differences between the genders
including how they communicate, resolve problems, address conflict, set
priorities, interpret situations, manage pain and much more. Of course, these
are generalities and there are exceptions.
That said, it is commonly accepted that men
and women tend to differ physically, mentally and socially, however, what is
not as well known is that many of these differences are rooted at a biological
level in our brains. For example, a Stanford University study found that nine
areas of a woman’s brain lit up across both sides of their brain when shown an
emotional image while in men, two areas lit up and on the same side of the
brain. The result is increased ‘emotional responses’ in women.
In a related series of studies, it was determined
that men and women express empathy different. While women respond with emotional
empathy that has them feeling what the other person is feeling, men generally
respond using cognitive empathy, which helps to distance themselves from the
other person’s emotions and allows their brain to focus on analyzing the
situation and seek out solutions.
This explains why women need an emotional
connection when they share their problems - they are not looking for a
solution, they want to be heard. Men on the other hand, are more analytical and
tend to share a problem only when they need a solution, they are not interested
in emotional empathy. In fact, multiple studies using MRIs determined that men
are wired to avoid contact with other people when they are distressed and it
quite literally is difficult for them to communicate their feelings.
There are many differences in communication
as well. A few examples of this are that men communicate to maintain
independence and establish status… women communicate to establish or maintain
intimacy. Men are precise, direct and often lack descriptive details… women are
discussion-oriented, detailed and often apologetic. Men see communication as a
way to exchange information… women view it as a way to build rapport, explore
emotions, and offer support. Men nod when they are in agreeance… women nod to
show they are listening (even if they don’t agree!).
As human beings, we have a tendency to view
the world from our own perspective, which makes it easy to see how misunderstandings
can occur between the genders. It’s important to remember that there are
scientifically proven differences and, in the wise words of Stephen Covey, many
of these misunderstandings may be avoided when we “seek first to understand and
then to be understood.”
Every month at Women Talk in Strathmore,
women experience what they are naturally wired to want in their lives: support,
sharing of experiences, emotional empathy, relationship building, mutual
understanding, belonging to a community and so much more. Join us on the last
Thursday of each month and hear the extraordinary stories of two Talkers and
enjoy an inspirational message, lots of laughter and some great conversation.
For more information about WOMEN TALK in
Strathmore, please visit www.WomenTalk.ca/Strathmore.
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