The Newsy Neighbour Magazine
April Issue 114
Article Provided By: Denise Geremia with The Pouty Puppy
You can purchase The Pouty Puppy by contacting Denise at 403-608-0686 or checking out www.thepoutypuppy.com
Hello Newsy Neighbour readers! I have been MIA for a couple
of years. Why, you may ask? Because my life is awful. I am too depressed to
write to you. I am too sad to sneak downstairs and write my story.
You see, there are now TWO KIDS in my house. TWO!! Can you
believe it? The little one, the boy with the high-pitched voice, is so mean to
me. He gives the impression he’s giving me hugs but they are not hugs. They are
death grips with choking fingers. He smiles sweetly for the camera, but he’s
whispering, “Sit still, or else” in my ear. He’s terrifying.
I have stopped sleeping in my parents’ room. I have slept on
their bed since the day they brought me into this hell hole, then they moved me
to – you’re not going to believe this – the couch. I slept fine, but I was
angry so I would always sleep with my butt facing them. They said I was moved
because I snored and kicked mom, but I don’t believe them. It’s a conspiracy.
So eventually, I got sick of them ignoring my angering body composure and just
stopped coming upstairs. They seem to be happy about it, but I know they miss
me.
What else can I tell you about in my awful life? Oh, mom
took me to the vet last week and spent $200 for the vet to tell mom I was just
fat. SUCKA! Sneaking all that spilled food under the scary kids’ kitchen table
chairs has paid off. She thinks I’m on a diet, but little does she know I lick
the plates in the dishwasher every night. I’m curvy, and I like it!
Oh, and Mom is still selling her book. Gag me. If you want
to buy it, it’s $10 and half of he proceeds for the month of April will go
towards local elementary schools Wheatland Elementary and Westmount Elementary
as a fundraiser. Contact either school if you’re even remotely interested. But
don’t – I don’t support this.
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