Reason, Season or Lifetime?

The Newsy Neighbour Magazine

March Issue 113

www.thenewsyneighbour.com

Article Provided By: Darlis-Keily Ireland

“The best thing in life is finding someone who knows all of your flaws, mistakes and weaknesses and still thinks you’re completely amazing.” ~Yasmin khan

With wedding season just around the corner, I’ve been thinking about the concept of a lifetime of commitment to another person and I’ve realized that lasting romantic and plutonic relationships have the same foundation: a genuine friendship.

A simply story that illustrates a true friendships is a 5-year old boy who asked his friend, “What’s friendship?” He replied, “Friendship is when you steal my chocolates every day from my bag… and I still keep them in the same place.”

Relationship dynamics are intriguing and several years ago, I was introduced to the Reason, Season or Lifetime poem. This poem changed my interactions with others and allowed me to appreciate the variety of people I’ve met over the years.

The poem says that every person who comes into our lives will fall into one of these categories: reason, season or lifetime. This includes family, co-workers, neighbours, clients, friends, romantic partners and strangers we strike up a conversation with in the checkout line. 

Essentially, when someone shows up for a ‘reason’, they are there to assist you (or you to assist them) in some way. Once that has been done, they will suddenly be gone. This could be a casual encounter with a stranger or a very short-lived friendship or romantic involvement. 

Those who are a ‘season’ bring experiences for growth, learning, sharing and joy. They are in your life longer than a ‘reason’ before they either fade away to the side-lines or disappear altogether.

And then there are the ‘lifetime’ people. They teach us lifetime lessons or insights that contribute to who we are and how we live. According to the poem, our job is to, “accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.”

When I meet someone, I often wonder if they are a reason, season or a lifetime. By wondering what brought us together, I pay attention to the encounter and listen more closely to any resulting conversation and this generally leads to an insightful AH HA. 

In the fall of 2015, I had one such encounter that started out with my asking a man working at a training event a question. This led to an intriguing conversation followed by several outings over coffee and tea where meaningful conversations occurred and a deep level of comfort settled in between us. Within a few short months, we acknowledged that we were a ‘lifetime’ and for the past year we have spent at least one day a week together, every single week.

  

We often reflect on what makes our friendship so incredibly strong, the kind of friendship that will exist forever, and not surprisingly, our friendship has characteristics that exist in all types of healthy relationships. A few of these are:

·         We are completely accepting of each other, exactly as we are, and feel free to be ourselves without fear of being criticized, judged or ridiculed.

·         We appreciate each other’s strengths, positive attributes and ‘amazingness’ and when necessary, we remind each other of what we believe to be true in regards to who they are.

·         We are always respectfully honest when expressing our opinions, feelings and needs.

·         Spending time together is a priority.

·         Our unconditional support means that no matter the circumstance, we have each other’s back.

·         Spending time together raises our spirits when we are feeling down.

·         We have absolute and unconditional trust for each other.

·         We have fun, no matter what we are doing.

Women Talk in Strathmore also offers characteristics of healthy relationships. It is a supportive, caring, accepting group of women who come together each month to provide a safe space for women to share their stories and connect to one another. It is also a place of laughter, inspiration and trust.

If you haven’t been to Women Talk, and welcome an opportunity to be appreciated for who you are, consider joining us on the last Thursday of each month for conversation, sharing and support. 

For more information about the monthly WOMEN TALK meeting in Strathmore, including how you may participate by attending or being a Talker, please visit www.WomenTalk.ca/Strathmore.