The Newsy Neighbbour Magazine
August Issue 118
Article Provided By:The Black Ninja www.thepoutypuppy.com
Remember how I’ve always told you that ONCE upon a time, I was super
spoiled and loved? And then the little hairballs were born and I am now nothing. I mean, I am literally not even
loved. Yesterday I went for 3 walks. ONLY 3!!!! Despicable.
To top things off, the absolute worst thing that could have ever
happened to me happened to me. I am tearing up as I write this.
They got… (pause for effect…) Guinea Pigs. You heard that right. Guinea
Pigs. I hate them. I want to get to them. And they are evil and trying to take
over the world.
I mean… guinea pigs, people. Why would anyone do that to themselves?
Let’s discuss the guinea pig insanity. There’s a huge cage in my living
room. They MOVED MY BED to make room for it. This is just the beginning of the
insanity. I keep walking over to where my bed WAS and it’s still not there, and
the pigs are still there, working up a scheme of world dominance. I like to sit
on one of my other 4 couches and glare at my family to show my disgust.
The pigs squeak. They make this little sound that everyone thinks is
sooooooo cute. It’s not cute. They are evil and this is part of their huge plot
to take over the world. No matter where I am in the house, if I hear those
squeaks, I run as fast as I can over to them to thwart their attempts at world
dominance.
Also, they boop me. They run around in their stupid cage, and I’m
standing there glaring at them, making sure they are aware I know of their
plans, and instead of being fearful of me, they boop me on the nose. I hate
them with everything in me.
Don’t worry, my trusted readers. I am on the job and will continue to
protect my family despite the animal abuse that is placed on me. I mean,
yesterday I only got 5 treats throughout the day. Only 5! Still, I must work to
protect them from these power-hungry rodents.
I will keep everyone posted on the progress.
Sincerely,
Bauer (The Black Ninja)
No comments:
Post a Comment