The Newsy Neighbour Magazine
February Issue 112
Article Provided By: Annette Stanwick
Relationship
stability is being eroded. Marriages and other types of partnering are
crumbling at a rapid pace. Broken marriages and divorce are at an all-time
high. This is often due to unresolved conflict,
inability to communicate effectively, unmet needs and unreasonable expectations,
all of which send relationships down the slippery slope of fractured love,
trust and intimacy.
Relationships
are at the basis of everything we do. They create
the foundation of our homes,
schools, churches, worship facilities, the workplace, and in our communities
and our world at large.
As a former health care executive with
decades of experience with conflict, disagreement and misunderstandings, along
with a deep interest and understanding of human behaviour, I truly know the
importance of relationships.
Happy, contented parents are the greatest assets
children can possess as they develop their own relationship skills. But the
truth is, if a marriage is in trouble,
the children often suffer in pain and silence. If our relationships are in
trouble, our life, our homes our happiness and our future is in trouble.
Relationships
are at the epicenter of civilization but they are
also at the root of nearly every human-to-human problem we see in society
today. Whether the problem is conflict, infidelity, divorce, abuse, addictions,
bullying, abandonment, harassment, violence or even suicide and homicide, the
problem can often be traced back to the home and family relationships. I do not
say that to point fingers, to judge, criticize or blame you or anyone in
particular. These are the facts. Relationship struggles combined with many other
factors contribute significantly to societies’ struggles.
Layered on top of the above issues, are the
financial struggles brought on by the current economy that are known to plague many
homes today.
Time
& time again as Relationship
Champions, we hear comments like:
·
“We just don’t have anything in common anymore.”
·
“When we argue, we don’t talk, and the silence goes on for days and
days.”
·
“When I’m mad I ignore him, and refuse to do things for him like I
usually do.”
·
“She makes me so mad because she won’t tell me what’s wrong – it’s
like I have to absorb it through the air.”
·
“We just don’t have that sparkle we used to have.”
·
“We’re more like housemates than partners or best friends.”
·
“Our conflicts aren’t huge, but we don’t know how to resolve them,
so they build up over time. The barriers get deeper & wider.”
·
“He doesn’t understand how he hurts me with his cutting comments.”
·
“She controls everything in our home.”
·
“I can’t forgive him for what he did!”
Of course, many relationships are happy and thriving, and we love
hearing the success stories. Harmony,
interest and closeness are essential for keeping a relationship alive and
healthy.
During the month of February, we think of Valentine’s
Day, chocolates, hearts, flowers and romantic getaways. Those things can mean a
lot in expressing sentiments that often go unsaid throughout the year. But if a
relationship isn’t healthy, those syrupy, tasty tokens often do very little to
change what is really going on inside a relationship.
Through our experience, we’ve found there
are no perfect relationships. Even the
happiest relationship can benefit by:
·
Enhancing their communication skills.
·
Learning new ways to relate to each other and to resolve issues
rather than sweep them under the carpet.
·
Finding ways to nurture fondness, admiration and support.
·
Taking responsibility for your own happiness, your own weaknesses
and for your contributions in relationship difficulties.
·
Discovering the power of, “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.”
Many couples are at their wits end, seeing
no other way than to separate as they stand on the precipice of divorce,
thinking only a miracle could salvage their relationship.
But
take hope! Don’t give up! Despite what you might be feeling right now, your
relationship can be salvaged. Happiness can be restored. Grievances can be
overcome and grudges and gripes can be forgiven.
Some look for a magic bullet to turn things
around. Sometimes it only takes some enlightened perspectives or meaningful strategies
to ignite change or to break down the walls of dysfunction, blame and defensive
protection we build around our fragile hearts and homes.
More than anything, to resolve relationship
issues takes courage, determination and
a willingness to learn and make some changes. It may be something as simple
as learning how to discuss issues without avoidance, anger or defensiveness. It
may be finding time to focus on each other rather than all those other things
that distract us.
Most importantly, it requires a willingness
to make things better, taking intentional steps to make time and space for each
other so the relationship can not only survive, but can thrive, by investing in yourselves to find better and
more effective ways of relating.
The seminar, “IGNITE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO LAST
A LIFETIME” presented by Clay
and Annette Stanwick, March 11 in Strathmore is designed to encourage and
inspire relationships with hope, stories, strategies and principles that will empower
you to make your relationship more authentic, meaningful and vibrant.
Get your tickets now at astanwick@me.com or 403-983-1844
Annette Stanwick©
Speaker, Author, Freedom Facilitator,
Coach,
Health Care Professional & Leadership
Consultant
Relationship
Champions, Clay
and Annette Stanwick have successfully weathered 50 years of marriage, decades
of experience with pre-marriage and marital counseling, coaching and public seminars.
Their fun, focused, non-threatening relationship strategies have revived,
restored and enriched countless couples. www.annettestanwick.com
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