July Issue 105
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I am the first to admit, I am
far from perfect. No matter how hard I try, no matter my best intentions, or
the best laid plans—I continue to make mistakes in my life. On occasion, I hurt
people without intending to. I forget something important. I run out of time or
energy and a ball falls from the air.
Such is life. Perfection is
not something that is part of our natural world. And without doubt, you and I,
are subject to the laws of the natural world. There is just not a chance that
we shall ever NOT make mistakes as we move through our life. Surely, each of us
know this?
Is there something to be
gained from this reality? Why is it that I am so afraid of failing?
My personality is such that
when I am in times of stress, I want to be in CONTROL. I want to know how it
all will end. I want to know that the people in my life will act in the way I
need them to so that I feel like I can control the results. So that I can feel
I am in control of my life. The problem with that is that it tends to backfire
– by trying to control the outcome, I often end up being the cause of the
problematic ending. By telling everyone what I feel they SHOULD do, I place the
failing upon their shoulders, rather than accepting my own role in the outcome.
By trying to control my life, I miss out on the beauty and possibilities that
are here for me to be witness to. And really, what is it that I have
control of? My personality doesn't particularly like that answer...
Now all of us have different
personalities. This means that each of will handle our failings and fears in
different ways – some of us will strive to control our situation and the people
around us, despite (maybe) knowing we don't have actually have that ability.
Other personality types may try to avoid messiness entirely, or ignore it, or
combat, or blame, or make light of.
Speaking for myself, it is my
EGO that doesn't like it when I fail. My fear is of embarrassment, shame, hurt.
If mistakes are inevitable, so then are the consequences. And consequences
hurt. No one likes to be hurt. What if I recognize my ego for what it is – the
noise of my personality trying to “protect” me from the uncertainty of life.
Because life IS uncertain.
The only thing that we, as humans, can be sure of is that we are imperfect.
Life is imperfect. How do we use this knowledge to help us in our path in life?
What if the mistakes I make,
the stumblings along my path, is met without self-blame or self-pity? What if I
raise my humbled head and greet my failings with courage and grace, and not
fear or blame? What if I let my heart be open and vulnerable and admit my
weaknesses? What if I allow others to be exactly who they are and choose their
own way, even as it intersects mine? What happens then?
Something magical.
I learn. I make amends. I
choose more wisely. I do better next time. I learn from the wisdom and insights
of those around me. I shift into a better version of myself. I have the
opportunity to grow, to expand, to reveal more of who I am and who I want to
become. I become more authentically ME. I am able to move through this life
knowing I am not perfect, but knowing that BECAUSE of that, I will be able to
do all of this. I believe that because of making mistakes – small, large,
inconsequential, or life changing – and learning to accept them wholly, I am
blessed to know that I CAN do better, and to WANT to.
What if we were to stop
thinking about mistakes as something to avoid, and shift into the perspective
that our stumbling shall reveal to ourselves the path to a more enlightened
world and a better self? We must let go of all that is not helpful – blame,
self-pity, shame, anger, all of it – and allow the learning to guide us along
our journey in life.
I believe all this is best
said here by the venerable Yogi Bhajan: “By our stumblings the world will be
perfected.”
Namaste, Becky
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